Are There Ways to Affair-Proof a Marriage?

by John E. Turner,  LMFT and Sally R. Connolly,  LMFT

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Can you affair-proof a marriage?  There are some things that couples can do to make a difference in their marriage.   Here are some suggestions for couples to do together to make sure that
they each remain faithful in the marriage.
  • First and foremost, maintain open and honest communication in your relationship. Find ways to keep it interesting and nurturing. (Yes, that can happen … although there are times that it may take some effort.)
  • Keep your sex life active.
  • Limit the amount of time that you spend with people of the opposite sex or those who might be potential romantic partners. Don’t go to lunch alone, have personal e-mail or phone conversations with someone of the opposite sex.
  • Invite your spouse to join you for social opportunities and talk over those social opportunities that may be work or professionally related that would not include your spouse so that you can decide together about attending.
  • Clearly, in work settings, there will be times that you may need to be with others that you might find interesting or attractive. Work hard to keep the conversations about business and limit personal information. Some affairs develop very innocently and just “sneak up”.
  • If/when you find yourself attracted to someone of the opposite sex … and that occurs for most people … let your spouse know. This may be a hard conversation … but put it out on the table so that it is not a secret. Do whatever you can to stop contact with this other person. Then step up your positive thinking about your spouse as well as visible signs of affection.
  • If you find yourself unhappy in the relationship and tempted to go somewhere else, talk it over with your spouse. If that does not help, ask for couples counseling. If your spouse will not join you, go alone … but try hard to engage them first.
John and Sally have a great deal of experience in helping couples overcome the trauma of infidelity.  They can help you.

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