Affairs: Dangerous for Relationships

by John E. Turner, LMFT and Sally R. Connolly, LMFT

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Affairs are painful and dangerous for relationships.  They bring feelings of extreme hurt, betrayal and anger. The revelation of the affair can be one of the most painful things that happens in a marriage. Once the secret has been uncovered, couples face tumultuous emotions and a series of high intensity exchanges and crises.  We have a great deal of expertise with this problem, have helped many couples navigate this territory and would be happy to help you through this time.

Marriages Can Recover From An Affair

Many marriages do, however, recover from the revelation of an affair.  Often both partners express the opinion, months, sometimes years down the road, that in some crazy way, the affair was a “gift” for the marriage as they have become stronger and recovered or developed the skills required for true intimacy.

Recovering Trust After Secrecy During An Affair

The erosion of trust because of the secrecy involved in the affair is often one of the hardest parts to heal. Couples experience a breach of faith and recovering that trust can often take years of hard work by both halves of the couple before they finally can say that their marriage has healed and the trust has been rebuilt.

Statistics of infidelity are hard to get since this is also about secrecy. One source reported that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands had been unfaithful in their marriage. Another source
reports much higher statistics, stating that 30-60% of adults in the United States will be unfaithful at some point in their marriage.

Infidelity happens in troubled marriages and it also happens in healthy marriages and can grow as people become friends and later develop more connection and closeness with co-workers or friends in their social network.

Listen To Our Conversation About Affairs

Click here to listen to an hour-long radio interview that we did on  the WFPL, our local public radio program, State of Affairs, on the subject of infidelity.

Read our articles listed on the left side of the page to begin thinking and talking about your relationship and the affect of infidelity.  Contact us at Counseling Relationships Online for more help.  This is an area of expertise for us.  We want to help

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