Dating Advice:

 “Getting To Know You” Questions For Relationships

By Sally Connolly, LMFT and John Turner, LMFT

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Dating is about having fun and getting to know different people. Many also have an “end goal” in mind, to find someone special with whom to develop an intimate, loving and eventually permanent relationship. This article offers dating advice for how to evaluate possible dates.

In dating, some think that they need to do a “sales job” to convince the other person that they are interesting, attractive and a good catch. Our dating advice is that dating should not be about finding someone who likes you nearly as much as it should be about finding someone who is a good fit for YOU. This involves sharing about yourself but it also means finding out about the other person.

When you are just getting to know someone, it’s flattering to ask them a lot about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves so, sound dating advice is to refrain from pounding them with questions but feel free to ask away as you get to know them.

Your main goal at the beginning stage of any relationship is to find out if you have enough in common to explore a friendship with the possibility of deepening the relationship. You also want to have some idea of whether or not this person is someone that you can trust and with whom you want to spend your valuable time.

Certainly, questions are not the only way to get to know someone. Experiences and activities together can also give you lots of clues. In our dating advice article, we just want to give you some ideas of things to talk about to start the ball rolling.

Dating Advice Questions:  “Getting To Know You” Questions.

  • What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time?
  • When you have a wide open day in front of you, what do you like to do … schedule lots of different and interesting things or just leave it open and let it evolve?
  • Tell me about the music that you like and what makes you connect to that style and those artists.
  • What would your friends say is your best quality?
  • Tell me about your job. What do you like most and least about it?
  • What makes you laugh?
  • Tell me about your favorite movie (or book) of all time and what makes you choose that one?

Family And Childhood Experiences Can Tell A Lot

Getting to know about someone’s family can also be a good indicator of his or her ability to be a healthy part of a relationship. This does NOT mean, of course, that someone who grew up in a difficult or abusive family cannot or has not learned how to relate effectively. It may, however, help you evaluate whether or not to take the relationship past the introductory phase. (And for those of you with “rescuer” tattooed on your forehead, please examine this aspect carefully.) 

In our dating advice, however, we want to caution you that as you are just getting to know someone, you must be respectful of his or her desire to talk, or not to talk, about private or personal matters. Choosing to wait before opening up can be a good sign about respecting boundaries so keep the questions light and playful and be sure to share some of the same information about yourself.

Dating Advice Questions: Tell Me About Your Family.

  • Who are you closest to in your family?
  • What are some of your favorite memories as a child?
  • How did you celebrate holidays?
  • What did you do for vacations?
  • What would your parents say was the most daring thing that you did as a child?
  • What did your family see as your strengths or things that you did really well?
  • Was there any special role that you held in your family? Were you the peacemaker, the responsible one, the high achiever, the one who made everyone laugh?

Dating Advice Questions To Ask Yourself

  • What is my “gut reaction” or what is my intuition telling me about this person?
  • Are there any caution or red flags flying here? If so, are they familiar ones for me in past relationships?
  • How well does this person answer my list of the top 10 characteristics in a healthy relationship?
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