5 Tips To Help You Fall Back In Love

by John E. Turner, LMFT and Sally R. Connolly, LMFT



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It is "normal" in the life cycle of a marriage or any long-term relationship, to have times of feeling more in love than at other times. There are many reasons why people fall out of love. (We talk about that in another article.) To fall back in love; however, may not be so easy.

Learning to fall back in love after falling out of love does not happen automatically. Sometimes it takes effort and practice.
  • "I love him but I am not IN LOVE with him."
  • "We seem to have lost that spark and I do not know if I could even fall back in love with her again."
  • "We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had."
Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships. It is rare for both parties in a couple to have those same, warm and connected feelings all of the time. And, yes, it is possible to find that you are able to fall back in love with your spouse.

Why Do These "In Love" Feelings Change?

Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually. An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and interest. If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and we will share some thoughts about that in another article.
 


Often these feeling and thoughts of being in and out of love; however, are more about taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children, social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage and nurturing the couple relationship.

When partners do not nurture their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and isolated.   Feelings fade and couples need support to fall back in love.


Some will decide that this is reason enough for a divorce. One research study, however, noted that couples who do stay together and find a way to bring their marriage back to life, report happiness 5 years later with appreciation for having found a way to stay together.
So …
  How do you try to bring those feelings back? How can you fall back in love? It certainly helps if more than one of you are working on this, however, even one person can make a difference in the relationship. Here are a few ideas to help you begin to turn things around and support falling back in love.

5 Tips To Help You Fall Back In Love

  • 1.  Look at pictures of happier times together and reminisce about those experiences together.
  • 2.  Reignite your sexual relationship.
  • 3.  Schedule dates with each other and make sure that they are occasions when you do not talk about any problems, just about what has happened during the day, weekend plans, etc.
  • 4.  Only talk about your spouse and your life in good ways to family and friends.
  • 5.  Another way to help yourself fall back in love is to, each day, think about one good characteristic about your spouse that you really like and admire. Try to remember specific things that he or she has done to demonstrate that characteristic. Ponder on that one all day. The next day, choose another one. Tell your partner about your appreciation for that characteristic.
Want help with your own relationship?
We have coached many other couples and supported them with falling back in love.  We would enjoy working with you.  Together we can get a better understanding of what you can do to renew the love in your relationship.

Click here to be taken directly to our enrollment page and begin.