Reading and Resources

Understanding And Healing From Affairs

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After The Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring

This is a very good book for both partners who have experienced an affair. Some of the chapters speak directly to the person who ha been unfaithful and others speak to the person who was betrayed. This book has many different exercises and questions for each person to ask themselves and good questions to talk about with each other.

Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship From Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal by Shirley Glass

This is another very helpful book for couples experiencing the trauma of an affair. The author is pro-marriage and spends a significant portion of the book supporting that idea. Her book explains the positions of the betrayed, betrayer and the “other “ person in this triangle to help get a better understanding of this problem and its complexity as a way of answering some of the many questions such as “Why did this happen?” and “How did it happen in our marriage?”

How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage To Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring

This book discusses the importance of forgiveness in healing from infidelity or another kind of betrayal. Spring discusses questions such as “How do I forgive someone who can’t or won’t apologize for hurting me?” and “If I can’t forgive, how do I put the injury behind me?” and “What can the offender do to earn forgiveness?” This book is helpful for those who are ready to begin the forgiveness process or know that they must get there for their own personal healing.

Private Lies: Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy by Frank Pittman

The book examines four different types of adultery and why they may occur from one-night stands to affairs that include emotional attachment. Pittman is clear and direct with his statements that the marriage does not cause cheating … and the hurting spouse is not to blame for the affair. He also discusses the idea of the concept of “re-writing the story of the marriage” in the light of the new relationship. His book looks for accountability from the one who has betrayed and supports establishing an environment for healing in the marriage.

Don't Call It Love by Patrick Carnes

The Relationship Cure by John Gottman

The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner

The Monogamy Myth by Peggy Vaughn

The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change by Melody Beattie


Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth has a great web site with many different resources and message boards for couples who are experiencing infidelity.

Therapist Locator

A directory provided by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy to help in locating an experienced marriage and family therapist in your area.  Also provides information about a variety of problems facing today's families. 

Sexaholics Anonymous

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other so that they may solve their common problem. SA is not a sex or group therapy and offers no treatment -- it is a program of recovery for those who want to stop their sexually self-destructive thinking and behavior. SA's support group philosophy is taken directly from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sex Addicts Anonymous

Sex Addicts Anonymous, SAA, is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction or dependency.

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