Re-igniting Romance and Passion

by John E. Turner, LMFT and Sally R. Connolly, LMFT

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Rarely is there a marriage where passion and romance endure over the years. More frequently it is a burning ember that needs constant attention … and it is quite easy for the fire to go out. This dilemma affects young couples who have been together for a short while, as well as older couples who find themselves becoming more like room
mates than sweethearts. 

While more women than men seem to protest that fatigue or an intimate connection with their spouse outside of the bedroom leaves them with little interest in romance and passion, it is surprising how many men also acknowledge a waning interest in connection and love-making.

Romance and passion start outside of the bedr
oom, both with connection and caring behaviors as well as with positive thinking, the brain is the body’s largest and most important sexual organ.

John Gottman’s research reports that men who help with housework and child care, report a higher rate of sexual activity. Women often feel more passionate and connected when their men talk with them and show non-sexual touch like hugging standing up, kissing and hand-holding. Men often feel more connected when they share activities with their women and when they make love.

Rekindling romance and passion often have to be made from conscious decisions to do something different and making the relationship a priority. It may require couples to subtract time from other activities in order to add this in. It also may require a conscious decision to change thinking and to remain focused on what is wanted and desired rather than what is absent or fading away.

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