Getting Men to Talk: How Can I Get Him To Talk To Me?

 Sally Connolly, LMFT and John E. Turner, LMFT

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 So many women would love to hear more from their men … about their day, about their friendships, about their hopes and dreams and about what is bothering them. Often men are just not as verbal as women … so what is a woman to do?

Here are some tips to try to get your man to talk to you.

1. See getting a man to talk as a long-term project, not necessarily something that will happen quickly. Notice and appreciate each small step.

2. Focus a great deal on his positives and the positives of the relationship. A lot of men say that they do not talk because they fear criticism. After you have created an atmosphere of positively, men are more likely to open up.

3. Getting a man to talk will be a bit easier if you share a little bit about yourself. Talk about your day, your struggles, your dreams … and then just be quiet. Some people … often men … formulate what they are going to say in their head before saying it out loud. Give him time to do that.

4. Ask simple questions like “Anything interesting happen at work today?” or “How was the boss today? Give anyone a hard time?” The questions should be ones that would not be too loaded. Ask only one or two questions, not a lot … and just be quiet to give him a chance to respond.

Think about this … while more people feel better about talking about what bothers them, some feel worse. Your man just may be one of them. Getting a man to talk will be easier if you let him lead the way.

5. Look for times around an activity to begin the conversation … on a walk, driving in the car without the children, sitting at the table over coffee after dinner … or invite him to join you for a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop.

6. When he does talk, do not offer advice or comments, just listen …and ask questions to get a better understanding.

7. Getting a man to talk is easier if you let him know that you enjoyed hearing about his day, that it really helps you to know and love him even more.

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