Signs of An Affair:  How Can I Tell If He Is Cheating On Me?

by Sally R. Connolly, LMFT and John E. Turner, LMFT

Signs of An Affair:

There are no clear-cut signs of an affair … other than finding your partner with a lover … that are fool-proof; however, when there are changes in your partner and the marriage there are often some signs of an affair may be happening. Some of these indicators are:


The obvious signs of an affair include:

• preoccupation with social media and keeping it private,
• sleeping with phone, changing passwords, obsessive texting,
• a change in routine,
• late hours,
• much more attention to grooming, dieting and exercise,
• a rush to the shower immediately after coming home,
• the smell of perfume or cologne,
• more mentioning of an opposite sex co-worker or no mention of one that was mentioned before.

Other signs of an affair, maybe not quite so obvious, include:

• Feeling of distance with your spouse. Where you once may have talked about what was going on in each other’s lives, you find that your partner is less available to do that. You have more difficulty in every day communication … reaching your partner by cell phone or at the office.
• Another sign of an affair can be a change in attitude. Your partner may once have been friendly and now seems more abrupt or disrespectful and may even appear to pick fights with you.
• Definite moodiness about your partner, times of seeming to be very happy coupled with times of seeming depressed, sad or unhappy.
• Change in frequency of sexual relations, either a definite lack of sexual involvement or significantly more and an interest in trying new or different things in the bedroom might be another sign of an affair.
• Your intuition or “gut” tells you that something is wrong.
• Others close to you two may also mention that there seems to be a difference with your spouse and you have a nagging question of another person. This could be a sign of an affair.